Sometimes
Is it wrong for a grown man to wish on a star?
In his own lonely world, with his loved ones too far,
To reach out to, speak out to, stifle his cries,
When his spirit is shattered, and the strength in him dries?
Is it wise to hope for a future unknown?
With a war weary soul, now remember, he’s grown.
And the things that he’s seen, bent and broke lesser men,
So he prays for a place better than where he’s been.
Is it a sin to want an end to the pain?
A cease of the bloodshed, some peace for his brain,
A dry face for momma, an end to her tears,
Keys to a new life, the lease paid for years?
Is it too much to ask for a glass spilling over,
Of joy and delight, living righteous and sober,
Progress and growth, and the heart of a lion,
Is it wrong to have hope when you’re hopeless, sometimes?
(Black) Bitch
I’d be sorry if I called you “Bitch” and you didn’t deserve it.
But everytime I’ve called you “Bitch,” I promise that you’ve earned it.
Dogging me for being me, respectable and faithful,
Trying to give my sister love, in exchange for hateful.
Won’t let you tear me from my throne and make a “Bitch” of me,
I’ll wash my hands, remain a man, and set you “Bitches” free,
‘Cause what I need’s a Queen of queens, regardless of her love,
Turned up my now when I proposed, that’s why my Queen’s not you.
May 8, 2011 11:06 pm
Happy Mother’s Day!
Oh, what long awful days! My sinuses are out of control. I’m so miserable! There’s much I want to tell, but the way I feel… hope you understand. God willing, tomorrow will be a better day.
Um, if you have the time, yeah, it would be helpful to inquire about the stolen property. I found out Friday evening that they did an investigation and it looks like they’ll have to pay me. The warden is the one holding things up. Go figure.
You are so busy lately! How you find time for me, I don’t know, but I’m tremendously thankful!
Well, let me try to get some rest.
Love,
May 9, 2011 8:43 pm
I really, really miss you! Does that sound crazy? I mean, because we’ve never physically met…but I’ve been so …hampered as of late, it feels like I’ve not been spending nearly enough time with you.
So much has been going on, I don’t know where to start. Right now, my head is pounding! It hurt to chew my food. Apparently my allergy shot wore off and I’m under assault. The weekend dragged by, headaches, runny nose, body sore, eyes burning. I think I had a fever. And the medicine made me so drowsy and did not work, so I’ve been a zombie, a non-productive zombie.
My toilet has been leaking for three days, can’t get these great caretakers to fix it so I’m living like a Tiger, water running all over the floor! It’s hot! Just not good right now. I can only pray I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel better, because it’ll be five days before the infirmary lays me in, then another three days to see a doctor if the nurse decides that I’m worthy. Your tax dollars hard at work.
They moved the other clown out of here. Well, actually, he got himself moved, “caught out” because he owed somebody some money and chose not to pay. He was a filthy little sniveling coward anyhow, so it worked, because I was going to break his neck.
The guy they put in here is pretty cool, clean, even-tempered, easy to get along with. The only thing is, sharing space, sharing time. It’s cut way into my productivity. My overall objective is to get my single cell back, but for now, it’s manageable.
Last Friday, a bunch of guys got drug tested. Out of twelve guys, eight failed. Stupid. So glad I don’t have to worry about that. They say somebody snitched, which is probably true, because they couldn’t have randomly picked that accurately. Still, they’ve been testing the whole unit. These nuts took that chance and lost. No more gambling with my freedom for me. I won’t lie, I don’t think about drinking or cigarettes, but now and then, getting high appeals to me. Never for long, though. When I weigh it out, the urge passes quickly.
I’m rambling. Let me respond to your letters.
The warden earned a few points, but he’s still a jive turkey.
Yeah, my uncle is cool. It’s good to be able to talk to someone with some sense every once in a while. Plus he’s so positive and understanding. He asked about the book and I told him to contact you through the email address, so I hope that’s what he does.
Well, I ended up mustering up the stuff to write the “How I got here.” I’m sure you’ve received it by now. Pretty sure you’ll enjoy it in that regretful appreciative way. It’s history and maybe someone else will learn from it. I know people will relate. I got to share it with one person and he was so moved he said it had him unable to concentrate at school. It is the common truth never told. Trying to maintain an image, keep up appearances, satisfy the naysayers. Yeah, the phone would have been convenient the past few months, but soon enough.
Mr. Walker was very pleased with your note (regarding publishing a book) and talked to his girlfriend immediately. They are getting it all together so as to keep the guesswork out of it.
I’ll pretty much try to weed out the riffraff as far as who I recommend to you for publishing. The majority of these guys are so full of it. Everybody wants me to publish the novel I told you about, and they’re right. It would definitely make money, but I just don’t feel comfortable sending that raw of a story to you. There’s got to be an alternative.
If I do complete this novel, I want to be able to give you more help, and I want so much! But I’m definitely excited, just trying to stay humble, focused. As per your request, I’m sending the first section of the novel. I know I’m going to have to buy a typewriter, but in the meantime, I’ll just edit directly on the printed sheets. I know my handwriting is out of control and the source of many errors. Sorry.
You are so busy! That’s another reason I’ve been writing less, trying not to become a burden. You already do so much for me, you know. I’ve been holding off on the first part of the novel for that reason too. And if I don’t seem excited about the book, that’s not it, I just want to do well!
The NFL draft info was awesome. Thank you. Some guys have got the paper, but I’m not into kissing their butts to read it. I’ll do without.
A tiny bunny, huh? They make the best meat because they aren’t tough yet. Face it, you are the wabbit lady, you’ve got the tastiest grass. Ida’ve stuck with them.
Wow, those blogs shocked me. I’d forgotten about several of those. Looks like I need to pick the pen back up and zone it. It’s in me, just been letting it build, but it’s always there.
Yeah, the termites sucked, but it was short lived. Unfortunately, there are all other varieties of bugs drifting in and out at will now. They really need to replace the screens. Enough spider bites will get the job done.
No, I’ve not named my pet spider. And it’s ironic that you should ask because I saw part of “Charlotte’s Web” Saturday and that creepy Korean Burn Out face of the spider stuck in my mind. Of course though, I can’t name the spider “Charlotte,” perhaps Annette.
Yes, unfortunately, we have no real lawyers in here. There are a bunch of “jailhouse” lawyers but 90% of them are con artists. Plus they gossip like little girls and tell all of your business. Even outside of prison, the state of Texas is so biased when it comes to custody and child support.
You would have loved to be a fly on the wall for the conversation between the warden and me. I didn’t back down, but in the end, he still conned me. He’s just a politician, unable of being in touch with the people he governs.
He’s the hold up now. My story proved true, and by right they should reimburse me, but I don’t expect a tyrant to honor his word.
Yes! The semester is over. No classes this week! But classes start again on the 19th. I’ve not heard from my uncle so I’m only signing up for one class again. Psychology. I really don’t want to take it because people who take psychology think they are smart, and that irritates me when stupid people try to use words they can’t pronounce or define. Just taking it to get it out of the way.
How crazy that we get the paper stuff situated, now I’m about to run out of paper, again. Forgot to buy a note pad when we went to commissary. My uncle was supposed to be sending some more paper, hopefully it’ll be here soon.
Rest. I saw on Dr. Oz today (Rachel Ray was on! I love that woman! And she’s 42! She looks 22! Gorgeous!). I’m not getting nearly enough sleep, so it’s my bedtime. Going to try to start getting at least seven hours instead of five in fragments.
Hope you enjoy the writing!
Love,
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