Finally a letter from Jason

August 14, 2011  8:29 pm

Woe. So sorry it’s been so long! Truly. First, I didn’t have any stamps because of the lockdown, then when we came back up, there was so much work to be done at work that I had little time for much. Still, that’s no excuse. Plus, I’ve been trying to avoid Mr. Moron. That takes a lot of my time away because I get angry when he speaks to me. It’s not a good situation. I just got through cleaning coffee off of the walls and pencil splinters off of the floor. (I don’t drink coffee or smoke cigarettes). Anyhow, it’s a task living with someone so stupid, but I’m sick of complaining about him.

How are you? Hope you weren’t worried about me. You ought to know that I’m a big boy by now. Aside from Mr. Moron, things have been pretty good. I keep myself busy, so the days are shooting by, and the sooner we escape into September, the better. This heat is unbearable. Nearly 50 days of 100+ temps. Then I’ll read how it’s 122 in Saudi Arabia and thank God that it’s not that hot here.

Thank you for writing anyhow! And the pictures, as always, were beautiful. Often times, I match the photos you send to scenes locked in my mind from books.

My uncle has been busy with training camp so I’ve not seen him. But he will visit soon. Speaking of visits, my mom and brother were supposed to visit this weekend but I guess something came up. It’s okay. As long as they are all right. Oh, I’m disappointed, but life goes on. I know that they aren’t intentionally getting my hopes up, so I remain in good spirits. Got enough here to keep me miserable.

Yes! Football! I am thrilled about the coming season. I got a chance to watch your Broncos play Dallas. Your first team looks good, especially Knowshon Moreno. But Tim Tebow is clueless. God forbid Orton gets hurt. And Dallas is the same Dallas from last year. I can’t believe that they didn’t do anything to strengthen their secondary. They still suck. From what I’ve read, my Saints and Texans both beefed up their defenses. Great! I can’t wait for the season!

I’m gonna need your help again. Not only am I playing fantasy football this year, I’m running the league. And as commissioner, I’ve had to do a bunch of work. Now I need to scout. I know you are busy, but I also know that you don’t mind doing favors for me when you have the time. So, I need lists of the top 50 players at each (fantasy) skilled position, ex: QB, RB, WR, TE, DEF, and Kickers. You don’t have to print the photos out like last year, just the rankings. They can be found at NFL.com or ESPN or USA Today. Also, I need a few images. I’m trying to make a few extra dollars and I need some logos so this guy I know can make stickers for me. The logos I need are the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and two from Houston record labels. One is “Swisherhouse” and the other is “Screwed Up Click” or S.U.C. If you can’t find them, no big deal, but anything you can send on fantasy football will be greatly appreciated. In all, there is $300 at stake this season and I plan to win as much of it as possible.

I can’t believe Rick Perry is running for president. What a jerk!

Not only did I enjoy the Wilbur Smith books, many people have asked to read the books. He’s a pretty popular author. I also enjoyed Centennial. It started slow, but it was really good and informative.

No, no, I wanted to know when you guy’s birthdays were. But a calendar is a good idea. I’ll gather all of the dates.

Got a few blogs here, but waiting for one more before I send them.

Next week I’ll be changing my visitation list. Do I need to put you both on it or just who the phone bill is named for? Because you guys are my Aunt and Uncle, you’ll be added to my contact visit list. The information you’ll need can be found at 866-806-7804 or www.Texasprisonphone.com. It will be a special treat to speak directly to you!

The Ice Princess sent my mom pictures of the kids. They are growing so fast! My goodness! And my baby girl looks just like me. I really miss them! I continue to pray that she’ll eventually let me be a part of their lives, but thinking about them causes me so much pain.

My father also wrote and it pissed me off because he still refuses to be a father. Instead he wants to be my friend and that pisses me off. Still, I wasn’t rude or disrespectful to him.

The articles were very entertaining. I enjoyed reading about that side of Shannon Sharpe. And the photos of the waterfalls…refreshing. I wrap a wet towel around my head, place my fan behind me and pretend I’m on the beach. It works until the towel dries and the hot air from the fan starts to bake me. Come on winter! I’ll take the cold any day.

I’m still amazed at how much I learned about Colorado from Centennial. Amazing.

Well, I better wrap this up. Another long day tomorrow. Glad to see that you are busy and happy. I love my job and try to get as much accomplished each day as I can.

Trust, that even when I don’t write, I love you dearly!

Love,

Joe,

Yes, excellent books! Now I’m anxious to read the remaining ones. Thank you so much for exposing me to a whole new world!

Your blogs are always fun to read and informative. I learn so much while being entertained.

Centennial was also a very good book and from it I learned a wealth of knowledge about Colorado and it’s early people. Batting 1000 so far.

I’ll check on the other book and see if I can get my boss to order a copy if it’s still in circulation.

Right now I’m tired and need rest for tomorrow, but I still have several questions about all sorts of things that I’ll get to.

Do you know what the most poisonous spider is? I’ve been researching it at work but came up empty. And is it lore that the leopard is the most efficient killer of the big cats? I keep trying to explain to these people that panthers are just jaguars, but they don’t believe me.

Thanks for everything,

 

Blog   No Say

Love.

Just what is this emotion?  A good portion of my life has been spent pondering, daydreaming, exploring, probing, testing the limits of, basking in, recovering from, searching for, running from…and I think I know more about love as a child than I do as a 31 year old man.

Or perhaps I understand love and it’s woman that I’m clueless about?  I mean, the love I have for family, especially my kids…man, that love is complete, total, ever reaching and very much understood.

So let’s say that it’s women that has me going in circles.  Am I alone?  Doubt it, seriously.  Any man who says that he has women figured out…well, I’d bet he’s a fool or very, very gay.

Honest truth, I’ve been so deep in love that everything else in the world ceased to exist, and when that love was gone, it took me forever to overcome the suffering, to fill the void left by the absence of that special person.  I’m talking, physical sickness.  Time may or may not heal all wounds, but thank God that it has healed mine.  For the most part.

There are scars that I will wear forever.  However, those scars will protect me in the future.  Like a fighter who suffers a cut to the eye, or a broken rib, he learns to protect himself better in future fights.  My emotional scars have taught me to better defend myself.  Even as eager as I am to share my life and give my love to someone, I will be cautious about how close, how fast I let anyone get to me.  And I’m afraid that I’ll abandon a relationship before I allow myself to be hurt again.

My dilemma.  Will a woman want to fight through my amour?  Will she be willing to understand that it’s not her, it’s the women before her.  The women that I’ve loved the most, some claim to still love me, yet accidentally hurt me all the time.  This does not help my viewpoint.  And I am by no means innocent.  Oh, I’ve caused too much pain in too many lives.  Still, I have no intentions on causing any more pain, nor will I accept pain at the hands of a love.

Those former loves haunt my thoughts, when awake and in my dreams.  These women own all of my free adult life and part of my adolescent years.  They owned my heart, gave birth to my children, taught me, distraught me, caught me, clipped me and now I guess I’m free.  But am I?

No those women have a hold on me.  Lord knows that I want to hate them, but I can’t, my heart won’t allow me.  The only safety I have is to distance myself.  I cannot allow those women back into my life, or more importantly, my heart.

I will be attracted to women because they remind me of those women.  Then I will shut out women for the same reasons.  It is not fair, but it is reality.  I fear that things can be perfect in a relationship, and the first time she does something that one of them did to hurt me, I’m out the door.  Surely I’m doomed.

Am I perhaps looking for something that I’m not capable of possessing?  How can I love without trust?  Do I think I can trust any woman?  Hell no.  So I’m left to pray that one comes along and sees something in me that’s worth fighting for, and that she’s patient and persistent enough to deal with my evasiveness.  Either that, or I meet a woman strong enough to break through my barriers.

However, it plays out, whatever my reservations, I realize that I have very little say so in the whole matter.  I’m at love’s mercy.  And love could care less what I understand, what I’ve been through and what my intentions are.  Sadly enough, a woman convinced of what she wants won’t give a damn either.  Yeah, that’s love for you.