January 3, 2012
Well, here I am again.
But this time I’m all the way positive, my mind is clear and I’m ready
for the journey. Yeah, the stuff I’d
written before was … ah… kinda scattered and dark. So I trashed it. Yep.
Felt good too. I knew you’d
understand, I only want to embrace the good.
Oh I know that bad is a part of life and I’ll express that too, but
those last pages of writing were not me.
So glad you enjoy your holidays! Happy New Year! I see you never stopped working. I’m going to follow your lead and work my
tail off this year. I put in work in
2011, but I could and will give more.
Already I’ve been delinquent on the workouts, on my reading
and prayer. And it’s crazy how the milestones
seem to bring about another level of noticeable clarity and maturity. With each passing day I see myself more
separate from the rest of these people.
I look at the television less and watch the people. No one it at a standstill, they’re either
progressing or regressing. Gotta get
better, anything else is madness!
What’s it been for us, three years now? Doesn’t seem that long and what a difference
you and Joe have made in my life. Positive
people planting positive seeds. Hope
you’re proud of your fruit.
It’s really quite a story, especially when you look at the
friendship that developed, although you busy are more parents than friends, but
still friends. You know what I mean.
By now, we know that I’m super extra sensitive when it comes
to people I love. And I don’t remember exactly
how the exchange went, but I only implied sending the letters for Letters to My children book to my aunts
because 1) they suggested that, 2) I don’t want to assume that I can just cook
up some book idea and that I’m special, I’m just considering all the work ya’ll
put into the first book and I just don’t want to be imposing. My intention was not to offend or give the
impression that I wish to go through someone else. It’s just me being me. I must be considerate of what you guys have
going on. After all, I would not be
where I am now (in my writing) if not for you.
It’s important that you understand that you are appreciated and that I
do not nor would I ever take you for granted.
Can you sense my excitement though? It’s bigger than the book idea, which was
excellent (I’ll have to thank my aunts).
It’s that I’ve been holding in so much concerning my kids and the idea
of getting it all out, hoping that it falls into their hands and get a chance
to know me and my truths…it’s very exciting.
Then, I’m sure that I’m going to go ahead and follow through
on one of the novels. No excuses this
year. I’m almost looking forward to this
lockdown which should be any day now. If
I don’t call this weekend, you know we are locked down. It’s rumored to only be two weeks instead of
30 days, but I’ll have to see that to believe it.
Anyhow, I wrote the first letter on New Year’s Eve. That’s how I wanted to bring in my new year,
reaching out to my babies. It’s going to
be cleansing and therapeutic. I’m going
to be able to say things to them that I can’t say to others and share a part of
me that most people never get to see. As
serious as I am, I’m a big kid at heart.
Well, your Broncos made it in by the skin of their
teeth. Pittsburg is going to be a
challenge, but they can be beat. My poor
Texans are going to have to fight for everything, but my Saints should have a
cake walk. If they can beat Green Bay, and they can, they’ll win the Super Bowl.
Okay, back to the book (can you tell I’m excited?) I can see
the cover and everything!
I know you said that you’re not religious, but do you
believe in angels? Growing up I always
imagined guardian angels as like fairy people hovering over us to guard
us. But now I think that people on earth
can be guardian angels, servants of God sent into the lives of those in despair
to guide them back to hope. God sent me
two of his best!
Ha, look at me going on and on and on! I’ll wrap it up here and send this out. Hope you got the card I sent, I forgot to ask
on the phone. Be good and stay warm!
Love,
P.S. Could you make
me another resolution sheet like you did last year? My 2012 resolutions are included.
2012
Reach out to my kids!
Humble myself!
Be even more
productive!
Be more positive!
Be steadfast in my faith!
Be motivated!
Be even more
courteous!
Never slack off!
Persevere without and through failure!
Learn from y mistakes as well as the mistakes of others!
Never fail!
Never make mistakes!!!
Essay - ARCHITECTURE
Years ago, I
noticed the title of one of Talib Kaels’ CDs “The Beautiful Struggle” and I
wondered, what in the hell is so beautiful about it?
Today, I listened
as two TDCJ officers talked about fighting to a younger inmate. They were enthusiastically promoting the use
of violence to solve a problem. Usually
I hold my tongue but I chose to step in.
I told them that a “man”
fights mentally, that you can’t think of one place in industrialized society
where grown men fight outside of the boxing ring.
Both of these men looked at me like I’d just admitted to
wearing pink g-string panties. One is a
regular prison guard but the other is a Safe Prisons officer, a Sergeant. How ironic?
I was the only “man” in the room and looked down on for rejecting
ignorance.
The more I thought about it, the more disturbed I
became. How could I be frowned upon by
guys who haven’t seen a percentage of the death and pain in the streets that I
have? With all the dirt and blood on my
hands, those dudes would dare to look down on me.
In that moment I understood The Beautiful Struggle. Yes,
it is beautiful that a gangster can become a gentle man, that one who has taken
so much can learn to give, to live, to promote life.
Their rejection of me caused something in me to wither and
die, their judgment murdered a part of me…but from that death, something
greater was born. Enlightenment. In that
tragic moment, the rays of revelation shone upon me. I realized that the world is composed of
people, builders and destroyers. Those
two prison guards are destroyers, looking to further tear down a peo0ple
already crippled by negativity, ignorance and self-defeat. But I am a builder. It is my calling to construct and
reconstruct, to build and stabilize, to fortify, to support, to salvage. No, we won’t be rebuilt overnight or in a
day, and I won’t be able to do it alone, but in time, through hard work,
dedication and vision, I know that we
can be restored to pride, strength and dignity.
A Beautiful Struggle
indeed! I am down for the cause and
up to the challenge. What about
you? Have you come all this way to
demolish or build?
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