February 1, 2012
I had every intention of coming in and writing you a nice
long letter, but it almost never works the way that we expect it to, does it?
I was working out earlier and I think I strained a muscle in
my left shoulder. I heard it. So did the guy standing by me. It sounded bad, but hopefully it just sounded
bad. Anyhow, it’s just a dull pain, but
it’s very uncomfortable. Could be
worse. I could have torn a rotator cup
or whatever and I could be in excruciating pain. Getting better and better at counting my
blessings.
Not much going on this way.
I want to respond to you last two letters, but I’m going to make this
letter short so I can ley my body rest.
I am writing though.
Been writing lyrics and writing the letters to my kids. It’s amazing how good writing those letters
has been for me. And as I get more
comfortable opening up to my kids, I find out more about myself. It’s cool.
Learning a bunch in Spanish class too! Things are pretty good. Look for something longer than this soon.
Love,
February 8, 2012
Well, the long awaited and much anticipated lockdown has arrived! I’m relieved, too. I’d grown weary of people asking about,
talking about, speculating…and I need the “me” time.
Yesterday and today, I mainly rested, worked out and got rid
of a bunch of stuff. With the hard part
out of the way, I can attack my writing full force tomorrow morning while it’s
still quiet.
Fortunately, it’s still pretty cool which makes for good lying
in bed, bundled up and reading.
Unfortunately, it’s a little too chilly to do much else. Ah, but one must count blessings. I prefer the chill to the sweltering heat
that the next lockdown will fall in.
Although I hate the title “convict,” I’ve stored up plenty
of provisions, and should glide through the next couple of weeks without a
problem. Too many people will be in a
sad state in the next few days. My celly
is one of those people. He went to
commissary and bought coffee, cherry Dr. Pepper and two soups.
Well yesterday, I cooked for us both, today, I gave him a
soup but soon he’ll be on his own. He
made a choice and although it feels wrong, I see that there is a difference
between kindness and foolishness. Plus,
he is a hateful young fella which doesn’t do much for my sympathies. He has destroyed items before throwing them
out of the cell so that no one else can use them. Why?
If you’re throwing something away and someone else can possibly make use
of it, great. I don’t understand that
type of evil logic. Some people have to
learn the hard way. Humility is a lesson
best taught by suffering. It was a year
and a half ago that I got caught without any food for a 27 day lockdown. There were nights when I felt so weak I
couldn’t sleep until breakfast came.
Then I can’t stomach the peanut butter that is in every sack, every meal. It
is an awful place, that’s a given, but once can do things to make it
tolerable. Only a fool would put himself
in a position to have to wait on those miserable little wet brown bags to ease
the hunger pains. A fool I’m not.
Safe to figure you’re still very busy. Busy is beautiful. As you know, I stay pretty busy in here, but
I long for the day that I can be busy out there.
Recipes dance through my head, visions of my determined
fare, smiling over a grill full of shrimp.
And it’s not the fare that I seek.
Not at all. I want to put the
work in, gain the experience, perfect my craft, become a master chef without
all of the pomp and fan fair. Instead of
guest appearances on talk shows, I want to cook for kids’ sweet sixteen’s or
marriages, or graduations, any happy occasion.
I want to make food that people stare at before eating, not wanting to
spoil its beauty, yet anxious to taste its bounty.
My boss actually came up with an idea about my
restaurant. She said I should call it
“The First Resort” and offer a healthy savory menu, then one page of high
calorie indulgences. Sounds great! What moved me though, is that she believes in
me enough to be at home thinking about my future. That’s the big thing. People see that I have a future. That is beautiful!
She said she’s reading my gook, got 70 pages into it and forced
herself to put it down, mainly because she was so angry. I guess for someone who never knew the old
me, being around the new me, it’s frustrating to see all that I’ve endured, to
relive the hell that I created for myself.
And people are really beginning to ask about the book. Let’s hope that they are buying it. I’m giving away the info enough. One guy said that his mom told him that she
contacted BookCrafters and “they” said they didn’t have that book. I told him that was a lie before I realized
what I was saying. (Jason’s book Prison
Life InsideOut can be purchased through www.bookcrafters.net or other online
bookstores.)
My boss is purchasing another copy for the library. Let’s also hope that it brings in more
interest.
I’ve compiled all of Joe’s blogs and put them all together
for some of the other Wilbur Smith fans.
I know that they’ll enjoy his story as much as I do.
Speaking of Wilbur Smith, I plan to read Birds of Prey and A
Sparrow Falls, not in that order. Right
now, I’m half way through R. A. Salvatore’s Icewindale
Trilogy. Drizzt, the dark elf, has
won me over. He reminds me of myself, trapped
in a world that I despise, different from everybody, seeking the freedom of the
surface, seeking through the lies. I also
have the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Gonna try to knock it out, but it started out
slow and I put it down.
Relativity is so powerful.
I think that’s the key to reaching people, the ability to relate. Others who have a purpose, who know that this
place is not where they belong tend to gravitate towards me, as if seeking a
leader, a spokesperson, someone to lead the charge. It’s crazy.
Well, gonna write some to the kids, then snuggle up with my
book. As always, I send you all of my
love!
Love,
