The joy of a phone call

October 10, 2011 9:12 pm

Dear Jan,

Well, I’m really lost for words this time…and I’m not. Because there’s so much to say and I don’t know how to start.

First off, it was beautiful to hear your voice! Can’t say why, but you sounded so different from what I anticipated. Your voice in my imagination was not as high, crisp, or refreshing. I smiled like a kitten with a bowl of milk for the entire 15 minutes of our call, and then for hours afterwards.

You guys make me feel so special, and hearing the love and excitement is someone’s voice was thrilling. I wanted to call right back and perhaps try to be more calm and composed, but I decided to ride the high and look forward to the next one!

Tell Joe that I didn’t mean to annoy him. I have so many questions but at the time, it was the freshest thing on my mind that I could recall through my excitement, And I do understand that he didn’t study spiders. I just thought that the topic might interest him and he’d want to know for himself as well as for me. It never crossed my mind that people probably ask him random crazy questions all the time. I do apologize.

He sounded pretty much like I’d expected.

That’s the first time I’ve used that phone down here. Crazy how much you learn to appreciate things you once took for granted.

Your poor Broncos. Maybe if they’d started Tebow… I don’t think he’s a good quarterback, but he finds a way to make the plays. He’s exciting to watch. My Texans gave up, but my Saints are playing very well.

Yeah, the “celly dilemma.” I really wish they’d match IQ’s when they pair people. I have to deal with dumb people all the time and it gets frustrating.

However, I develop patience and tolerance with each passing day, each interaction…each time I rise above the normal expectations, I count that as a victory. I win.

I’m really very excited, not only about talking to you but also about the progress of the book! I meant what I said. You guys have invested so much time and work into the book, I want it to do well so that you reap the benefits.

Much to say, much to think, much to do…a day at a time. I’m going to listen to a bit more of this Lions-Bears game and sleep for tomorrow. Long day today, trying to go to commissary. Finally made it, now it’s time to get back in the groove.

In my thoughts, in my prayers, in my heart!!!

Love,

P.S. Did I ask if you’d seen that Google Chrome commercial? Cool stuff!

BLOG Art Lessons

I’ve got my dilemmas, predicaments and misery is a companion I’d love to choke the life out of.  My ex-wife left me high and dry when I was at my lowest and has forced me out of my kids’ lives.  I know that my momma loves me … I think, but she has the strangest way of showing it.  I live amongst murderers, rapists and child molesters.  What I call home is a cement and iron box about six feet wide and nine feet deep, the toilet is two feet away from the head of my bed … er … um …bunk.  And I don’t see the parole board until 2025.

Yeah, it’s that bad.  But is it really?  I mean, don’t get it twisted.  I go through it, I’ve got my blues.  The same imagination that helped to usher me through an eventful yet happy childhood takes me places that I’d really rather not go.  For me, it’s easy to wonder if the world will be less like the place I left and more like Minority Report upon my release.  Will cars fly, will you be arrested for thinking a crime?  Will paper money be obsolete?  “Yes, can I get a #4, super-size the fries and sprite?”  And the robot at the window scans my retina.

If that’s the world I have to look forward to, so be it.  I’ll adjust and adapt.  It’s better than the simply stupid world that I live in now.  But that is not my biggest fear.  Everything that I’ve gone through, I’ve dealt with.  And everything that I’m going through, I’m dealing with.  Experience leads me to believe that everything that I will go through, I’ll deal with.  Do I feel like I have or can do it all by myself?  No.  I realize that my strength to endure has come from loved ones and God.  I’m no fool.  Foolish maybe, but well aware that the man that walks all alone won’t walk for long.  With that knowledge, I stand taller, smile when others sulk, and pray every day. 

When my life was all about me, I was miserable.  If my heart was here with me, it would probably wither, blacken and stop.  However, my heart is in Georgia, Austin, Colorado, Indiana, Houston, New Orleans, Shreveport, Fort Worth and in the heavens.  From all of those places I receive nurturing through love and kindness that my once selfish heart rejected.  For me, love equates strength.  I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been.

Iron bars, flying cars, life on Mars … none of that’s in my control.  What is in my control is my perspective and my peace.  There are the ups and downs.  Any journey has its share of turmoil but instead of letting the land conquer me, I use it for conditioning.

I’m far from perfect, but striving.  Even still, I have my moments of perfections, when a joy so radiant and consuming devours me, washes away my doubts, cleanses my senses, sharpens my outlook and warms my heart.  It is at once humbling and refreshing.  I’m reminded that I’m only a man but clearly aware of my purpose.  My purpose.  At 31, I feel blessed to be aware of what I’m meant to do, what’s expected of me and I’m ready.

 A psychic I’m not.  What the future holds, I can only imagine.  With my heart in the right place … places.  I only know I’ll be happy.  And isn’t it happiness that we all seek, the ultimate pursuit?

Prison, paternity suits, parental paradox, perverts, predators and past passions perished, I prevail, for my peace is priceless.  Perhaps worth pondering?   Predictions, prescriptions, presumptions, prosecution plus the possibility of prosperity persuade the petty with pretty promises.  In the end though, that which I hold most precious is hope.  Hope provides the power to keep on pushing.

Life is only as good or bad as we see it.  When you paint your picture, trying using the colors of love.