Still thrilled with a phone conversation

October 15, 2011 8:38 pm

Dear Jan;

Well, it’s always a pleasure to speak to you! You sound so pleasant and enthusiastic! I hate that the phone cut off on us like that, but it did warn us. 15 minutes seems like 5 minutes on that phone.

I thought I’d be okay, but it’s barely 8:30 and I’m already sleepy. Got a lot done today, though. I guess because I roll out of the bed at 5 am doing pushups, when I finally stop moving, my body just shuts down.

Really excited about the book, again! And Joe’s blog was great. I even shared it (as I often do with some of my Wilbur Smith club members). Yeah, there are several dudes who read Wilbur Smith, too. And we can all appreciate Joe’s stories and knowledge. Anything to do with animals captivates me! I can imagine that animal jumping that gate because I’ve seen white tailed deer leap over Mesquite trees and 10 ft gates without much effort. Some dude tried to tell me that it’s impossible, but I know what I saw with my own two eyes.

Pork roast! Ummm! I miss real food! Prison food doesn’t compare.

Speaking of food, what I was saying when the phone cut off, starting in January, TDC is allowing us to receive a $50 package sent from out there, but I don’t know any of the details. If you could, would you please look online and see if there are any specifics on this or if it’s just a rumor? It would be cool if it’s true. That would make such a difference. My uncle already complains all of the time about how he wished he could send me something.

What do you make of Herman Cain? Curious? He’s in my Time magazine, and I’ve been reading a lot about him. Everyone in Texas hates Rick Perry. I don’t know how he slithered back into office. Now he’s running all over the country praying with female Hispanic teenagers…that man has never prayed before in his life. What a jerk.

The Blogs will come. You can trust me. My boss put me in charge of a Unit-wide Poetry Contest this past Friday. Nothing like that to get the creative juices flowing.

Maybe I’ll get some more in before I send this out, but I can’t keep my eyes open for another minute.

Not much left but for a “till I hear from you.” I’m exhausted. Football all day, and I quit early. Jay Cutler is not fun to watch. He cries like a little girl.

I’m off to dream land!

Love,

October 30, 2011

Dear Jan,

Great to speak to you, as always. Just a quick note. Enclosed are the blogs, there will be more. I’ve been suppressing my need to release. It’s good therapy.

Got the Halloween card! Thanks!

Getting ready to get back to basics. Got a full day tomorrow and a three-chapter exam, so I’d better get to sleep.

You wouldn’t believe how cold it is in this cell right now! Burrrr! Gonna bundle up and dream warm dreams.

Love,

Blog   “Excuse me…?”

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” Calm voice softly spoken.

“What?” Quick, snapped, impatient.

This is how conversations begin in my world.  No, that’s not true.  Not conversations, dialogue.  That is the classic blueprint for dialogue in this place.

And it is not always . . . it is rarely easy to be the bigger person, yet it seems that I get plenty of practice.  My dedication to change and righteousness keeps me grounded, smother the smoking embers of anger that burn within.  I realize that I am set apart, different, and more is expected of me.

Oh, I’m human.  My first impulse is to as “What? What? Who the f*** do you think you’re talking to?”  But that is the response of a child.  Sadly enough, that is exactly how I would have responded just a few years ago.  Now, I chuckle, a pity chuckle, either ask my question as politely as possible, or simply walk away.

Perhaps, the perception that every person in prison is a rapist, murderer, child molester or drug dealer has poisoned the minds and rational thinking of people?  Although, in my opinion, if I thought a person capable of such awful crimes, it be wise to not be blatantly disrespectful or maybe I’m crazy.  And they wonder why there are so many staff assaults?  Really?  Yes, I truly do pity those folks who see all people in prison as less than people.  They deny themselves the beauty of seeing something good come out of an awful situation. 

I could quote the Bible, but I won’t.  I could make promises, proclamations and protest…instead I’ll say, I suffer every day.   I’ve swallowed so much pride that my throat is raw.  My dignity must be fought for every single day.  The ignorant and spiteful outnumber the enlightened.  For now, that is my lit in life.  For now.  And because of it all, I will emerge an improved man, sharpened, refined, indestructible.  All must pass through the flames to be tempered.  I shall part from the flames a brilliant and shining thing of beauty.  Even now, I reject the ugly, the blemishes, the imperfections.  God’s tool.  Forged, tried, true.