Jason write a long letter

November 15, 2011

The days are too long, the nights aren’t long enough. Yeah, I’m fine, mainly because I’ m better equipped, better adjusted and because I have to be.

You have so much going on, and interesting things, too! I was very excited to see the BookCrafters website (http://self-publish-your-book.com). It looks very good and professional! It seems like you guys never rest. Y’all are always doing this or that, traveling here or there, helping he or she (or me), learning, growing, and giving.

Again, I have to say how much I enjoy and look forward to our conversations. I know it seems to have cut my letter writing. It’s not that though, my days are just so full. I hope that the few blogs are able to capture some of my expressions. Having to deal with such a wide range of emotions and feeling can be taxing, but I know that every circumstance I battle through makes me stronger and better prepared.

Not much going on that I have not mentioned on the phone. The past few days, some dudes have gotten “violated” by their homeboys (translation: Beat the hell out of by two or more members of your gang for committing some offense). It’s becoming an everyday thing. So glad I don’t answer to anybody.

Well, I just wanted to get a few lines your way along with these blogs. Had intended to write a good long letter but my celly needed to vent so I talked to him for what turned into two hours.

How bout them Broncos?!?

Love,

December 5, 2011

Wow, believe me when I say that time is flying, that I’m not exaggerating! Fast time is good, but I do not like writing on the run. Soooo, I decided that I must dedicate some special time to my special people. If I’m tired in the morning, oh well. Better to be a little tired and a lot loved than to be rested and to neglect those who do so much for you.

Hope the turkey day went by well and you guys were well fed and stuffed. I wanted to send my card but I’d already sent it to you once, plus, my hand turkey hasn’t improved in a quarter of a century.

The story you sent me about that guy who’d been imprisoned was moving. I too, see myself succeeding now that my life has turned for the better. Not being afraid or paranoid about slipping through the cracks and getting over on the legal system makes tons of difference. I think that once people are able to be honest with themselves, it changes the quality of their lives. Living a lie is so stressful and problematic that it never ends up being worth it. I can remember being caught up with 3 or 4 different females, telling them all that I loved them, scrambling to cover my tracks and keep up with my lies. A horrible existence.

Yeah, my uncle has been great, especially when I remember our true relation! He was here this past Sunday. That he finds time for me between flying all over the country is monumental to me. Don’t think I’ve ever loved, I mean truly loved so many people before in my life. When we have a visit, they send a written pass to our cell block so we can get dressed or whatever, then go out to the visitation area, strip, dress, and visit for the fastest two hours ever.

You make light of all the work that you guys do! You two stay busy. But that’s good. I completely understand. It’s kinda cool to look forward to the next day, anticipating the challenge of the tasks ahead of you. I do that with my free job now.

Vegetarians should eat turkey too.

I received the card! That was really cool! I get chills every time I see that book cover!

Speaking of books, the urge to write has been particularly strong lately even had new book ideas in my head. I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to go into one of those zones here real soon. Hopefully.

See, that’s the type of stuff I look forward to, donating to the ARC. I just want to live, give, and love. The rest will come.

As always, Joe’s blogs were very interesting and entertaining! I’ve only seen elephants in the Houston Zoo and from a distance. No, wait, I don’t remember any elephants at the zoo. That was the circus. I couldn’t imagine being charged by a creature of that magnitude. From the videos that I’ve seen about rogue elephants, I know that an angry elephant is nothing to play with. Is it really true that they never forget anything?

I do apologize for being so down lately. My mother’s limited role in my life has weighed heavily on my shoulders and as much as I want to just get over it, that’s impossible. Some hurt can’t be ignored.

Anyhow, it’s important that you know that you are appreciated. You have been a major contributor to my positive outlook and my ability to endure through tough situations. Man, writing myself crazy! Better not get carried away. Just wanted to get a real letter off to you.

I thank God and pray for you every night, because I feel that God assigns angels here on Earth to protect and look out for certain people. And I know that rare kind hearts like yours are blessings.

Love,

Still thrilled with a phone conversation

October 15, 2011 8:38 pm

Dear Jan;

Well, it’s always a pleasure to speak to you! You sound so pleasant and enthusiastic! I hate that the phone cut off on us like that, but it did warn us. 15 minutes seems like 5 minutes on that phone.

I thought I’d be okay, but it’s barely 8:30 and I’m already sleepy. Got a lot done today, though. I guess because I roll out of the bed at 5 am doing pushups, when I finally stop moving, my body just shuts down.

Really excited about the book, again! And Joe’s blog was great. I even shared it (as I often do with some of my Wilbur Smith club members). Yeah, there are several dudes who read Wilbur Smith, too. And we can all appreciate Joe’s stories and knowledge. Anything to do with animals captivates me! I can imagine that animal jumping that gate because I’ve seen white tailed deer leap over Mesquite trees and 10 ft gates without much effort. Some dude tried to tell me that it’s impossible, but I know what I saw with my own two eyes.

Pork roast! Ummm! I miss real food! Prison food doesn’t compare.

Speaking of food, what I was saying when the phone cut off, starting in January, TDC is allowing us to receive a $50 package sent from out there, but I don’t know any of the details. If you could, would you please look online and see if there are any specifics on this or if it’s just a rumor? It would be cool if it’s true. That would make such a difference. My uncle already complains all of the time about how he wished he could send me something.

What do you make of Herman Cain? Curious? He’s in my Time magazine, and I’ve been reading a lot about him. Everyone in Texas hates Rick Perry. I don’t know how he slithered back into office. Now he’s running all over the country praying with female Hispanic teenagers…that man has never prayed before in his life. What a jerk.

The Blogs will come. You can trust me. My boss put me in charge of a Unit-wide Poetry Contest this past Friday. Nothing like that to get the creative juices flowing.

Maybe I’ll get some more in before I send this out, but I can’t keep my eyes open for another minute.

Not much left but for a “till I hear from you.” I’m exhausted. Football all day, and I quit early. Jay Cutler is not fun to watch. He cries like a little girl.

I’m off to dream land!

Love,

October 30, 2011

Dear Jan,

Great to speak to you, as always. Just a quick note. Enclosed are the blogs, there will be more. I’ve been suppressing my need to release. It’s good therapy.

Got the Halloween card! Thanks!

Getting ready to get back to basics. Got a full day tomorrow and a three-chapter exam, so I’d better get to sleep.

You wouldn’t believe how cold it is in this cell right now! Burrrr! Gonna bundle up and dream warm dreams.

Love,

Blog   “Excuse me…?”

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” Calm voice softly spoken.

“What?” Quick, snapped, impatient.

This is how conversations begin in my world.  No, that’s not true.  Not conversations, dialogue.  That is the classic blueprint for dialogue in this place.

And it is not always . . . it is rarely easy to be the bigger person, yet it seems that I get plenty of practice.  My dedication to change and righteousness keeps me grounded, smother the smoking embers of anger that burn within.  I realize that I am set apart, different, and more is expected of me.

Oh, I’m human.  My first impulse is to as “What? What? Who the f*** do you think you’re talking to?”  But that is the response of a child.  Sadly enough, that is exactly how I would have responded just a few years ago.  Now, I chuckle, a pity chuckle, either ask my question as politely as possible, or simply walk away.

Perhaps, the perception that every person in prison is a rapist, murderer, child molester or drug dealer has poisoned the minds and rational thinking of people?  Although, in my opinion, if I thought a person capable of such awful crimes, it be wise to not be blatantly disrespectful or maybe I’m crazy.  And they wonder why there are so many staff assaults?  Really?  Yes, I truly do pity those folks who see all people in prison as less than people.  They deny themselves the beauty of seeing something good come out of an awful situation. 

I could quote the Bible, but I won’t.  I could make promises, proclamations and protest…instead I’ll say, I suffer every day.   I’ve swallowed so much pride that my throat is raw.  My dignity must be fought for every single day.  The ignorant and spiteful outnumber the enlightened.  For now, that is my lit in life.  For now.  And because of it all, I will emerge an improved man, sharpened, refined, indestructible.  All must pass through the flames to be tempered.  I shall part from the flames a brilliant and shining thing of beauty.  Even now, I reject the ugly, the blemishes, the imperfections.  God’s tool.  Forged, tried, true.